Friday, February 24, 2006

Free Tan


This guy had a sign on his hat that read "Free Tan." I'm wondering if he was offering a tan for free, or if he was protesting to win a person named Tan's freedom. Either way, weird hat.

Tonight I picked up a woman who is a business manager for gay porn film companies. When I asked, "How'd you get into that?" she replied, "Just lucky, I guess." Then she added, "I mean, I got into it the same way any 63-year-old straight woman gets into this business -- by chance."

We started discussing how watching porn all day could really kill a person's sex drive, and at one point she said, "It doesn't really bother me at all. I just woke up one morning and realized I wasn't interested in sex anymore. It was a great feeling, actually. Of course, my husband wasn't too happy with it." I asked her how he dealt with it and she said, "Every now and then I'll give him a token blowjob to keep him satisfied. But other than that, he's got two hands. He can take care of himself. Besides, he's 65 years old! How much sex does he really need anyway?!"

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

hehehe, this one's funny.

I just hope no-one who knows her reads it, I don't suppose there'd be too many straight 63yo women who are business managers for a gay porn film company... I'd guess she'd be pretty easy to recognise!!!

Hope Tan's Free by now.

LabbatĂș said...

Hi!
I´m a german female driver and a friend of mine gave me the information that you are blogging in NY. So I´ll read your stories, which probably are a bit worster than mine, because I´m a day-driver in a town with one million people, has to seem like a village to you, I guess.
I wonder how you are chatting with people in your cab because people from NY whom I sometimes drive in my town always tell me, that you are sitting in the back and separated from the driver for security reason (for the driver)?

What we maybe experience the same, is, that even those people with exotic jobs like the lady you are writing about are at least some kind of very normal people.

Good luck, nice guests and a lot of easy-earned money. And always a good rest after work, LabbatĂș

jusbeinapain said...

Maybe the gay porn industry can get behind this whole freeing of Tan thing.

Killer said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. I wonder if working in the gay porn industry has improved her ability to give blowjobs. It would be interesting to here her husband's take on this.

Patrick said...

65 and still goin' strong. My man. *thumbs up*

Anonymous said...

ive never had sex, i dont think i ever will

A girl called blue said...

Hats off to the 63 yr old woman! Who says that we all have to play by the rules anyway? I think that I know a guy by the name of Tan, will send regards...lol

Andrea said...

Can't imagine life without sex.

ny-reader said...

Just what I've always suspected. A lot of people who work in the sex industry really don't like sex.

Anonymous said...

too much info....but none the less funny.

inquiringmind said...

I wonder if she takes her teeth out first...

Empress said...

I love this entry. Too funny!

What's that old Jan & Dean song? Go granny, go granny, go granny go! LOL

Regards to Tan! LOL

snappybob said...

I wonder if she lets her husband have a girl friend for casual sex if she is no longer interested. As far a people in the sex industry not liking sex, most people don't like to take their work home. Like the plumber who has leakey pipes. The house painter who has the worst looking house on the block etc. If you do it for a living you want to spend your spare time doing something else.

ramblingmuse said...

Interesting. Way to go granny!

I wonder how her husband's reaction was when she told him she wanted to work in the gay porn industry. Ha ha...

Poor gramps. A 'token' bj doesn't sound too exciting. I wonder he prefers with or without the teeth. Ha ha...

Poor Tan. I hope he's got more than that one guy advocating for him. Seems he'll need more than one fella wearing a hat with a sign to help him out.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you were too chicken to ask the "tan man" what's up ...

stephanie_in_mass said...

Don't like sex anymore...tah dah I am not having sex ever! WTF...I am sorry I will screw my brains until the day I die and that is for a fact Jack!! Free tan?...Ah he is scamming the little girls trying to see their boobie...dirty bastard! LOL

Steph

Anonymous said...

As the Beastie Boys have put so well, she's a boomin' granny

Reluctant Misanthrope said...

Hee hee, I, as a straight late 20's woman got into the gay porn business. Luckily I didn't have to watch too much of it, though. What did get annoying was the constant picking up on my hubby--boyfriend at the time--when I took him to things like the company bbq. (Yes, a company bbq full of gay porn stars). Not so hard to believe.

Keep writing honey-you've got ball of thunder! Linking to ya.

San Francisco Taxi Driver said...

How depressing is that?

anti-shave said...

Haha, that's just harsh!

Anonymous said...

i was reading the one from when you went to florida. and i live in florida and you spoke the absolute truth. it pisses me off because more than once i have been cut off my those old hags.. and its very annoying. but on the tolls i have a pass that charges it, so i never have talked to them before, but for some reason i always get stuck but some jerk that thinks you only have to put a quarter in when it costs a DOLLLAR.
love your blog by the way.

Anonymous said...

Tan is the Anti-Communist leader from Tiennimen Square massacure

Free Tan.....Free Tan.....Free Tan...

Anonymous said...

whew! it IS more than I care to know...but I've said it before and so have others-BOOK DEAL !!

Cody said...

i just gotta get in on this one:

i earn a very comfortable living in the adult industry, but i'm a woman who does "like to take their work home" as daily as my 22 year old body allows. it's an incredibly satisfying way to spend my "spare time".

need "witnesses"? consult these innocents...well...not "innocents" really, but i digress. email katsumi@America.hm and/or andrewstamper@America.hm

btw, "reluctantmisanthrope", you're totally telling the truth, a BBQ attended primarily by gay/bi adult entertainers can be rather easy to locate (especially in CA or NC)!

okay, i'll stop typing now. luv ya.

Pat T Hat said...

Who would have thought that there WAS an influx of 63 year old straight business women getting into the gay porn industry! By chance or bona fides! I actually envy the husband. Though it may be only occasional head, think of the tips on technique she can pick up at work!!!

RickyZ said...

That's funny, today I had a fare who told me of her 2 jobs- one was a limo catering service and her other, more lucrative one was executive secretary of an escort service. Before I even thought of asking if she was ever 'on the job' she told me that's how she started and that she still has 2 or 3 regulars she meets every couple of weeks to pay the rent. I wish I had the money to blow on escorts... as for losing interest in sex, I think that's why some of the greatest accomplishments are from people over 50. They say men think of sex every what, 40 seconds? Imagine if that energy was spent elsewhere. Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George doesn't have sex anymore and becomes a brainiac. Must be about blood flow.

ashlan said...

I caught your blog through media down here in Australia; your journal is fantastic. Thanks! I'll be watching the rss feed thorugh livejournal.

Stay well, Ash.

Anonymous said...

i read about your blog in a newspaper in australia n it sounded totally interesting so i thought that i would check it out...they were right! seems like an interesting job meeting tons of interesting people

Adam Abdullah said...

that is damn funny!

Anonymous said...

"Just what I've always suspected. A lot of people who work in the sex industry really don't like sex."

Just like most people in the "music" industry don't like music. (Have you picked up any record company weasels in your travels?)

itsybitsygod said...

I was working as a pharmacy tech when viagra hit the market. At least three times a week I'd get pulled aside by some older lady complaining about her husband's newfound prowess. They all pretty much said the same thing: I thought those days were behind me and I was happy about it. It's not so uncommon. Especially if Poppy is a geton-getoff kind of guy. There's something to be said for ability.

NESHAT said...

Iliked it thanks

Dylan said...

I really hope I don't experience that from my partner at 65. Damn, that's rough at any age.

HDSFTLC said...

you go granny girl,but lighten up on the he's got two hands thing if he's anything like me, with the right person (natures mate) sex isn't 1st on my mind does not mean a once and awhile token blowjob!oh wounder if those tokens are gold plated?(swolloed)!

HappyGobo said...

I have a new favorite blog.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, you think NY has bad drivers -- I live right next to the biggest retirement community in Arizona! You got it "Sun City, AZ!" Right hand turns from the left had turn lane; left hand turns from the right hand turn lane; turn signals that never go off; turn signals that never get used; 15 mph in a 45 mph zone; inability to turn the steering wheel while in reverse; they back up their cars until they hit something -- got hit by the same woman twice in a parking lot, she just kept backing up and hitting my vehicle. No sympathy from me --we get all your snow birds in AZ. Oh ya, I'm all for the liberation of Tan!

Jess said...

Reluctant- gay porn company bbq's???? Betting y'all go through a lot of hot dogs! *evil grin*

Anonymous said...

Great story in the Washington Post. As one of those 43 yo Type A's I can appreciate the shitbirds that you drive

Grace said...

Thought you might like to know (as if you didn't already since you KNOW you gave an interview)that most of this "post" appeared today in the Washington Post! As a New Yorker-in Exile I appreciate your blog and wonder why I never heard of it before? You are now book-marked so I can have a little bit of home each day. My brother drove a cab in NY when he was young and wrote a very funny cab driver's guide - you'd like it. Now poor sod he drives a bus In Broward County Florida - really one job is not much different than the other!

nancytoby said...

FREE TAN!

I just saw the piece about you in the Washington Post! Incredible! You're getting way more than 15 minutes of fame, girl! How cool is that? I hope they gave you a decent tip, since I'm sure they got paid well for the story.

I hate to say it, but it's kind of like they're amazed that a taxi driver can write a real sentence with punctuation and everything. Heck, I've held much crappier jobs than that!! Ack, like waitressing in grad school. Ugh.

Keep up the great blog. You rock!

Anonymous said...

I hope the day never ever comes that I will not be interested in sex. This to me is one of the few pleasures that life affords us. I hope I am still going strong until the day I die. Token BJ, Honey please! Maybe if you were on the receiving end you would be more interested in sex.

Anonymous said...

Chuckle, chuckle, this is funny!

Where exactly is this Tan that he needs to be freed. We should all start wearing "Free Tan" T-shirts. This could be a huge campaign...

FREE TAN!!

Anonymous said...

feature in the washington post - pretty cool.

way to go with the driving. next time i'm in new york, i'll pull you over.

Duzzyswallow said...

hmm i would like a job in gay porn i bet ur ass would getta free tan then

dblcrl said...

I don't care who you are, that right there is funny.

jMon said...

Congrats! Just saw the article on you in The Washington Post. I read you live where I went to high school. Wow! I didn't know there were any buildings left standing. :-) I remember seeing one of your photographs taken from your window on a snowy day and thinking it looked familiar. Now I know why. Melissa, you really are a Princess. Drive Carefully!

David from Tucson, AZ said...

What's sex? Just kidding!

lugosi said...

Can't really tell from the picture, but how was the guy's complexion? Maybe he was advertising the fact that he had received a free tan.

Anonymous said...

hey my name is megan, and im totally addicted to this blog of urs!
ur a lucky bitch to get to meet teddy geiger.. ohh soo lucky lol.
if u want.. e-mail me @ elmo_is_mine@hotmail.com and tell me all about Teddy.. he's like the sex lol.

Miss Joi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miss Joi said...

Whoa! This post got my attention. I wonder when I become 63, will I be done with sex like the woman in the story. You seem like you have an exciting career and meet some very interesting people.

Keep up the wonderful work! I've saved your link on my blog site.

Anonymous said...

I'm not homophobic.. I just dont like it shoved down my throat

Leslie said...

LMAO!!
I loved this one! It's so great to see you doing so well with this blog M.. I've been following you for a while and it's doing awesome.. [ii]} cheers to you! I hope i'm getting some kinda of token sex when im in my sixties.. People are awesome, its great to see what other people are doing in their lives that are so different from mine.

Anonymous said...

See, now that's what makes New York interesting! In DC we have far fewer 63 year old straight female gay porn executives per capita than you guys.

The Assimilated Negro said...

I'm TAN. The Assimilated Negro. And I very much need my freedom.

someone directed me here. I hope you all will continue to be supportive.

thanks. and I'll have my eye out for a particularly observant cab driver ... with a laptop?

greg said...

Ah, so you're the Assimilated Negro I "know" from the comments on Gawker. I feel compelled to tell you that your acronym, TAN, irks me because the word the shouldn't be included in an acronym. After all, the TV series is The O.C., not T.O.C.

I feel that it's Tai Shan, the panda cub at the National Zoo in D.C. who's better known as Butterstick, who should be freed so that he's not forced to go to China when he's older.

A said...

You know, everytime I get into a cab in NYC now, I find myself hoping/thinking the driver is going to be you. Which is probably really dumb in a city with thousands of cabs, I'm aware.

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Anonymous said...

good

Shwagon said...

That puts a bad visual in my mind.

Fraticornicos Fan Club said...

Can't imagine sex without life. Wild life, anythingism and experimental music wasting.

techanalyst said...

Just read all of your blogs. Unique and quite interesting. Hope we see you at one of the airports some time.

Anonymous said...

go red sox

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