Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Handicap


So after a week with an ear infection, I got back to work and was greeted by the wanna-be thugs pictured above. They got mad at me because I wouldn't let them cut me off when their lane of traffic was blocked. At the next red light, they pulled up next to me and yelled, "Asshole!" Determined to try and stay cool for at least one full shift (which, for some reason, has been a lot harder these days), I just laughed and said, "That's very original."

This must've pissed them off even more because one of them said, "If you were a guy, I'd spit on you." Then they gave me my favorite finger, so I pulled out the camera. The best part of all this was, as others have done before him, the finger-giver held his pose for the camera. In fact, I almost didn't get the shot and said, "No, wait!" So they rolled the window back down and he politely held on for another second until I got the shot. Of course, afterwards he said, "You want a picture of my dick?"

I replied, "Sure, right after I get a picture of your license plate." The light finally changed and, just for the fun of it, I actually did take a shot of the plate (but not the dick). As I took the picture, I saw that the plate had the little wheelchair symbol that indicates that the driver of the car is disabled. I realized then that the symbol was probably there to warn other drivers about this guy's handicapped mental abilities. Though, on second thought, it's too bad I didn't take him up on his offer of the dick shot, because perhaps that's where his disability lies.

The shift continued on and traffic was refreshingly light. But just as I was wondering if anything interesting, other than dicks and middle fingers, would ever happen in my cab again, the guy pictured below got in.

Recognize him? I did immediately, and I don't even have cable. (It's Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, in case you weren't sure.) Much to my own surprise, I was a bit starstruck. So much so that I actually forgot to turn the meter on for about 15 blocks. He was on the phone and remained oblivious to me for the entire ride until finally, as I dropped him at his destination, I worked up the gumption to interrupt his conversation. And you know what? He was cool as hell. So many cabbies have celebrity stories where the person turns out to be a total asshole, but not Jon Stewart.

I sputtered away at him for a minute and finally told him about the blog and asked if I could take his picture. He graciously posed for me and was incredibly modest and nice. And thank goodness, because it would've been depressing if I had to write about one more dick.

Oh yeah, and he tipped well, too.

108 comments:

Chez Bez said...

That's beautiful. I drive a hotel shuttle and get my share of unappreciative people (I'm being nice), so I feel your pain. One of these days, I'm gonna tell someone off and get fired. So far, so good though.

And Jon Stewart? I got a bit starstruck too. And I only scrolled down and saw his picture. Very cool, indeed. One of my fave people by far, and even moreso now that you say how cool he was to you.

Have a great week!

Sicilian said...

You had the best response. . . .probably made those guys really mad. . . hope you're feeling better.
Ciao

jin said...

You've still got it MP!!!
Great writing, funny stories...hate to admit it, but I love when you get stuck with dicks like that because you always turn it into an AWESOME post!!!

Stay safe!

DS said...

Jon Stewart is the man, very funny that is cool.

unperfekt said...

that's pretty funny... I mean, your blog is semi-internet-famous and suddenly jon stewart makes a suprise guest apperance.

Kari said...

I've met a lot of celebrities in my job (radio) and some are just complete losers. Thanks for reminding us that some celebs really ARE cool!

Anonymous said...

The incredible shrinking dickies.

Stupidity Police said...

Melissa I'm suprised you didn't have the presence of mind to ask Jon Stewart what he thought about the mentally disabled riding around giving cabbies the bird.

I'm sure he would've been able to share some comedy tips with you...oh wait, he probably would have asked if all cabbies weren't mentally disabled.

Now that dude has a sense of humor.

Jimcs said...

good to see you back I was getting worried about you--I miss it when you are absent. I seem to need a ny fix every now and then.

wil said...

M.P.

Are you aware that there are days when your readership matches Jon's viewer #s?

He should of been surprised to have met you.

Anonymous said...

jon stewart is cool, check out bush vs bush on 'you tube'...very funny.
too bad the u.s.a got their arses kicked by czechoslovakia last night..ha ha...only thing that would've topped it if it was the iranian team spanking your butt!!

Anonymous said...

jon stewart is cool, check out bush vs bush on 'you tube'...very funny.
too bad the u.s.a got their arses kicked by czechoslovakia last night..ha ha...only thing that would've topped it if it was the iranian team spanking your butt!!

Mary said...

Very Cool...Jon Stewart. That makes up for the assholes.

Adam said...

I would have been star struck with Jon Stewart as well...

Glad you are still writing

R2K said...

Thats cool, a wild day!

January said...

Jon Steward in your cab does make up for all the jerks...

Love reading your blog--I'm adding it to my list of links.

Very cool

MTM said...

AWESOME!!!

Drunken Master said...

Ha! Thats awesome. You got both sides of the spectrum there, from a mentally handicapped loser to a cult hero.

Only in New York!

Anonymous said...

TIPPING IS FOR FOOLS, VIVA LA FRANCE

AWE said...

I won't get started with the people that have the handicap tags and don't deserve them.

If John Stewart hadn't been on the phone you could have had a blast talking to him the whole ride.

Anonymous said...

what's with the weird guy ducking down in the backseat with the thugs?!

Anonymous said...

*squeals* OMG! OMG!

Claire said...

AWESOME.

(Oh, and I think you did get a picture of the dick in the first shot. What an ass.)

Momo said...

I love that the guy waited for you to get the pic of him flipping you off!

And I love, LOVE Jon Stewart. That is so amazing! Maybe someday you'll be on his show...

feather said...

Dicks are a dime a dozen! So glad u had a celebrity like John Stewart onboard, with his good graces, he just earned a gold star in my book.

gnightgirl said...

I was also starstruck with the Jon Stewart pix; I always thought I'd be cool around celebrities, but turns out I'm a drooling goober. Who knew!

Cool post.

Ilaiy said...

Jon Stewart .. Amazing .. I always wanted to see him .. An amazing person .. I am so glad you got to see him ..


./thanks
ilaiy

Alan said...

Glad you're feeling better back at work. I was in NYC last week, and was SOOOOOO hoping that I'd luck out and get you as a driver from JFK to Manhattan, but no such luck. :(

Anonymous said...

They probably thought they were so cool, now that they got a driver's license.

Wouldn't it be funny if their parents read this bog and finds out what happens when their kids borrow mommy's car? :D

Sonja said...

Wow maybe he'll mention your blog on the show. Because that? Would be awesome.

Windsornot said...

That DEFINITELY had to have made your week! JS is originally from my part of NJ, and he's always been described as a good guy. A goofy one, but still a good guy.
:-)

David said...

That is too awesome for words. I love love love Jon Stewart.

ks said...

I'll be in NY next week. Hope I can see some celebs! Great blog!

greg said...

I just realized what your pics of passengers behind the partition remind me of: a confession booth. I find it funny because I don't imagine people would smile like that in a an actual confession booth.

Andy said...

Yay! I LOVE Jon Stewart!

Anonymous said...

http://www.silive.com/news/advance/index.ssf?/base/news/115020455968410.xml&coll=1

that link talks about a recent death of a 20 year old girl who died because of the erratic behavior of a taxi driver

inkyhack said...

You should have asked Jon Stewart to flip you off while you took his picture.

Shawn said...

I heart Jon Stewart! Glad he's not a dick in the real world!

Tableside Hack said...

Nice stories. Hey, I know you don't respond to people who comment on your stories, so please make an exception with me, or make another post. When is the tentative date (even if it's in months) when the book is coming out? I can't wait. and I want to get it autographed.
-JW

Jdog said...

Don't you love it when someone is simply nice? It just makes my day.

Dayli said...

Great post!
I can't belive those rednecks kept the finger up for your camera.
And Jon Stewart? All I can sya is Yuuuuummmy!

Anonymous said...

Fabulous!

Oedipa Maas said...

Jon Stewart is my absolute hero. I am so jealous!

MJ06 said...

Handicaped Mental Abilitys. I love it!!!

I like that to when you said yeah you guys and your fake gangstrness is real original.
Some people you know?

Twiz said...

Awesome! He always struck me as a cool guy.. you are so lucky.

Anonymous said...

Very cool. Thanks for blogging... I was worried when you hadn't been on for a while and you seemed discouraged in the "three balls" entry. Welcome back!

freddybeach cabby said...

I wish I had the presence of mind to take pics of some of the assholes I meet up with in the run of a night! As always...good job!

Tim Zimm said...

wow thats awesome

jon stewart for president.

Learn that Poem said...

YAY! Loved this post...and John Stewart too!:-)
Thanks.

Leann said...

The God's blessed you for not making that poor boy show you his handicapped dick.

Ksenija said...

No WAY!!! I would DIE if I just crossed paths with JON STEWART. Oh, that's so cool!!

Wow. Just...wow.

I wonder if he'll mention it on the Daily Show??

Tanj said...

That is a GREAT photo of Jon!
Wow.

Died laughing that the handicap posed for you, too! Idiot! Doesn't he realize the power of the internet blogger?

Sorry to hear about the ear infection.
Glad you are feeling better!

desertbon said...

That's great! I only have about five websites bookmarked.. one is "New York Hack" another is "The Daily Show"

So.... there must be something right in the world that he was in your cab.

And that he was cool. Had he been a jerk to you? I'd stop watching his show..and make my favorites list even more skeletal...

Bon

butterflygirl said...

Love that Jon posed for you.

Anna said...

SO cool!!

WanderingGirl said...

Jon Stewart for president!!!!!!!!!!

noe farm said...

Finally, I was about to call the police and file a missing person's report. Sorry about the ear infection, glad you're well and writing again.

Justin said...

Jon Stewart IS the man.

ramblingmuse said...

Jon Stewart? Pretty cool! :-)

Anonymous said...

Jon effin Stewart!!! Dang, I swear that's the best passenger shot in this blog ever

weatherman said...

You've still got the best blog there is, MP! And then to have Jon Stewart in your cab is icing on the cake. Jon should have you on his show. That would be fun.

All the best,
D.

Phantom Dadoo said...

looks to me like you did get a picture of the dick head.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, great blog.

Angus Mactavish

Anonymous said...

Hey MP just wanted to let ya know if you zoom in on the guys face givin you the finger he really looks alot like Martin Short kinda freaky anyway just thought I'd let ya know

Anonymous said...

Hey MP just wanted to let ya know if you zoom in on the guys face givin you the finger he really looks alot like Martin Short kinda freaky anyway just thought I'd let ya know

Anonymous said...

What did I tell you a little while back...Forget Oprah and hold out for John Stewert!!! It's a gift I tell ya. By sheer coincidence I've got tickets for his show on the 22nd. Happens to be my birthday and maybe I'll treat myself to a cab ride. Make sure your publisher/publicist get's you booked on Stewert's show!

catkins13 said...

Isn't amazing how, during a conflict, a man IMMEDIATELY wants to know if you want to see his dick! You'll never find a woman in a conflict asking if she could show you her snatch.

ingrid said...

I´m glad that you are feeling well now. sorry for your ear infection. ¡¡¡ It hurts!!! I thought you were gone to Germany to watch footbol matches. USA lost, ...bah, sorry. My country WON THE FIRST MATCH. You NYorker, I think you don´t mind very much,about the Mundial, don´t you?
Take care .

Valerie said...

fThat is so cool! Glad he was a nice guy.

Cindy said...

It's good to hear that you're feeling better! I too was worried when I kept seeing "Three Sets of Balls" because I really enjoy your blog.

How cool is it that Jon Stewart was in your cab? Go figure! He's really smart and extremely funny. What a great way to balance out the assholes before him!

Elayne said...

Wow, that's so exciting, Melissa - sure made up for the idjits who flipped you the bird!

Butler2880 said...

Good to hear that Jon Stewart is a good guy. He seems that way and it's good to hear it's true!

Anonymous said...

I interviewed Jon Stewart once for a story and can confirm that he is as smart and generous and funny as he seems on TV. Great guy.

Kat said...

Is it just me or does the handicap dude look like the loser Ace who was on American Idol???

nancy =) said...

jon stewart...i want to marry that boy...

he's cool cuz he's from jersey like me =)

sorry about the rude dudes...

peace...

DrumIntellect said...

catkins13 said...
"Isn't amazing how, during a conflict, a man IMMEDIATELY wants to know if you want to see his..."

Actually, since the middle finger, in this case, represents exactly what he offered to show - it kind of makes sense.
Now, why females would use this gesture is up to conjecture.

tineke said...

great story about dicks, middle fingers and celebrity sightings! always a refreshing read!

Dana said...

Hey MP, Glad you are feeling better! Just love your shit girl. Catkins... ain"t that the truth! LOFL
Peace

Dana said...

DrumIntellect said...
catkins13 said...
"Isn't amazing how, during a conflict, a man IMMEDIATELY wants to know if you want to see his..."

Actually, since the middle finger, in this case, represents exactly what he offered to show - it kind of makes sense.
Now, why females would use this gesture is up to conjecture.
Drumintellect......????????????

Nicole said...

Ah- Knowing he tips well makes me love him all the more. I thought he was lovely even before the Daily Show-

Now he sort of a God to me. Well not really a God because that would be strange. Maybe just a demi god. Except different.

Heidi said...

Jon Stweart displayed some common decency... just being polite and kind. How cool! Too bad that a lot of the rest of the world has not learned or retained this lesson.

Always a reader... Hope you are feeling better.

Cat said...

Love John Stewart. I'm glad to hear that he was cool and all. I always thought he was a genuine individual and you just confirmed that. There's nothing worse than fake, rude ass people. Especially famous one's. By the way, loved the way you told those assholes off. Passive-agressiveness is a great trait if you ask me.

Anyway, hope your feeling better. Ear infections are the worst. Take care.

Cat

Imagesmith said...

That's cool, Jon S. that is. I have met a bunch of celebs in my line of day to day fun. (newspapers) One of the funnier ones was I was to photograph Garth Brooks on stage but did'nt have a stage pass. Band security let me in to stand at the back door, they always get groupies trying to talk thier way in. So I'm standing there & this scruffy 2 day bearded guy in a Mickey Mouse base ball hat stops & ask if I need assistance. So I gave him my story & he said I could wait in the hospitality room & he wouild get security to get the needed credentials. Low & behold they got me an on stage all access pass. That's rare unless your working for a large paper. So I go on stage & guess who the scruffy bearded guy was. He, Garth, gave me permission to move freely on stage. I felt about 2 inches tall but after the concert he invited me back to his dressing rooms to shoot pictures that I sent to him free of charge.

Bea said...

Wow. I need a job where guys like John Stewart will just show up. Of course I'm sure for every John Stewart there's a hundred+ asses like the other guys.

TonyR said...

It's great that Jon Stewart is a nice guy... it makes up for his lack of talent and corny jokes

Anonymous said...

That's pretty damn cool - both your maintaining style and poise in the face of stupidity (if it makes you feel better, they probably had to get gas for their grandma before dropping the car back off) and it's nice to have a celeb pop in for a cameo.

I'd agree with an earlier comment that your numbers and Jon's viewers could be close - of course, I've DVR'd Jon's show and am only now catching up on May's episodes...

lugosi said...

When the guy offered to let you take a picture of his dick, you should have said "Sure, but let me get my telephoto lens first."

Hijackqueen said...

That's totally awesome and make your day huh. I hope he is reading your blog too.

scout29c said...

As much as I would like to meet Jon Stewart, I would rather take a ride in your cab.

When in NYC, I'm always looking for you.

You're like the Empire State Building or Statue of Liberty.

DrumIntellect said...

Dana said...
Drumintellect......????????????

Since I'm not sure what your question marks are for I'll guess you are asking where I got the meaning of making the gesture mentioned in the blog post. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_finger
But to sum it up I'll copy and paste here:
...using the finger as a phallic symbol...
In Portugal this sign is made holding the big finger straight between the other bending fingers. The two bent fingers closest to the big one stand for the testicles...
In China,..this handshape..the first born male or number one son...
Hope this clears things up Dana.

Zeus said...

Treat people well, no matter who you are, and the world becomes, momentarily, a better place. It just takes the effort to be nice. An almost forgotten social norm. Glad you're back!

Matt said...

Jon Stewart. That's awesome!!

dlin said...

it's jon f-ing stewart!!! wooooot

iraqidirtchick said...

i've been reading you for a while since you were featured on yahoo news... i absolutely love reading your posts here in iraq!!! what a great story!

Jon Stewart said...

Damn. Does my nose really look that big in person?

The Lone Beader said...

Wow- great story!!! I guess you just never know who you'll cross paths with in NYC. Thanks so much for sharing....

denise said...

OMFG!! that is totally cool, we love Jon Stewart ;)

Ashod Puck:::... said...

you`re great .. so fun and awesome blog.. nice to read u.

suerte con todo y adelante!!!

theygotrhythm said...

I had a similar incident. I refused to let some guy cut in front of me on an on-ramp to I-85. He sticks his head out of the window and curses, so I slow down to avoid his car hitting mine. Then I catch up to him on the interstate, planning on simply making some kind of sarcastic remark. But before I get a chance, he looks over, starts cursing again, and then spits at me. Except that I'm on his left, and he's going 70 with his windows down, meaning that very little of his wad of spit actually made it past his passenger seat.

And speaking of Jon Stewart, I recently got to see him in person (from about 100 yards away) during the Peabody Awards. I have to say that he was even more funny than he normally is on The Daily Show. Glad you had a good experience with him.

Ed B. said...

Awesome MP! Too bad I don't get any cool people in my line of work.

You stay safe out there!

Kevin said...

Ummm, a celebrity always whips out a cell phone and starts "talking" so he/she won't have to put up sh*t with starstruck Noo Yawkers.

avocadoinparadise said...

Jon Stewart! That's great! It's good to hear he's not a dick in real life...

Anonymous said...

jon stewarts pretty cool. like his show.

nice to know he tipped well..but considering you didn't turn the meter on for 15 blocks...the tip wouldn't cover it...*shrugs*

Paul said...

Jon Stewart is by far my favorite celebrity (well, after Homer Simpson), and I have almost NO favorite celebrities. When my wife and I were in NYC for the opera a few years ago, we had tickets to see "The Daily Show" as well. Talk about a dichotomy! Anyway, during the warm-up he was as charming and pleasant as you could imagine, so it's no surprise that he was a real mensch in your cab.

Melissa said...

Everytime I come to NYC, which has been twice, I always hope I get your cab, but thats terribly unlikely. Sigh. Keep up the good work. I love Jon Stewart, I'm glad he wasn't an ass.

marge2011 said...

Jon, you adorable, smart, talented, funny and I'm happy to hear very generous guy, you have a great nose! You and Colbert, best hour of TV every day!!!

Keep up the good work! Melissa, are you a relative of Kathy Plaut from Spring Valley a long long time ago??? I went to SVHS with her!

great blog!!

Marge

Anonymous said...

You got a full shot of the his dick because that guy is a DickHead! :) At least, you met Jon Stewart that day - what a sweetheart!!! Keep on blogging because your fans will keep on reading! Ciao.

Alexsandyr Troutnoodler said...

Absolutely awesome.

Moron gets their 15 minutes of fame by being an asshole in front of the entire world.

Karma's a bitch, innit?

As for Mr. Stewart? Heh heh! When you're One with the Force, Karma is your friend.